i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
