sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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