i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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