Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
