i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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