i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
