Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
