Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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