Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
are you so shy because you have an std?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
