I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
