I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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