To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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