yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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