HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
