We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
