Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
