Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
