im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
