4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
