3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
