I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize