Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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