I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize