he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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