I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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