I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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