I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
