I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
