Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
