She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
