i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
