I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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