So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
