left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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