matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
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I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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