I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
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My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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