dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
