I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Randomize
