he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
