lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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