things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
