Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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