3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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