My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
