i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
