gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
