Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
