I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
