hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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