After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
