Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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