Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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