So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize