There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Randomize
