her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
