If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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