her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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