I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
