Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
