I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize