she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
