Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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