Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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