I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
