my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I need moral support for this bender
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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