are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
