..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
