I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
