Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
