I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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