Yo dont text me then not text me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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