is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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