Jerry, you need to find god
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
