The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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