maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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