I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
